Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

‘You should be ashamed of yourselves! We’re old enough to be your parents and we’ve taken you to three

I had my nightmare again last night, the one where I have a one-night stand with Taylor Swift and...

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• 7 días

‘If you play that match, Ross, our marriage is over’

Sorcha is upset. I totally get that? But I haven’t seen her over-react like this since I ate a...

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• 11 días

‘You are not having a hort attack! I’m not allowing it!’

Réaltín smiles. Which might well be a first for her. Yeah, no, we’re in Baldoyle of all places,...

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• 21 días

‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’

I tell Honor that I’m proud of her. I’m there, “Obviously, I don’t mean that literally?”...

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• 28 días

Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly..

I’m the first to arrive. I order a pint of the obvious and I do a quick circuit of the place....

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• 1 mes

‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. “Ross?” the dude goes, pulling a face at me...

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• 1 mes

‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’

Sorcha asks me straight out if I’m having an affair. I’m like, “Why would you even think...

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• 2 meses

Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderl

I haven’t seen Honor look this angry since the time she spear-tackled a woman who tried to cheat...

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• 2 meses

Sorcha goes, ‘I don’t need a 26-old copy of Cosmopolitan to tell me that I married the wrong man’

Sorcha says she’s sorry and I’m there, “Hey, it’s cool,” even though I’ve no idea what she’s even...

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• 2 meses

Our daughter came out of the womb with two middle fingers raised to the world. That’s not down to us

“If some wooden comes at you with a shank,” Ronan goes, “grab them be the wrist and twist it,...

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• 2 meses

'I’ve got my top off, and Réaltín’s looking at me like my old man turning his nose up at cheap steak'

So I’m shaking hands with Hugh and Marie Atcheson after our latest victory in the Leinster Padel...

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• 2 meses

‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly is not the victim. She is a highly intelligent young woman from a privileged backgrou

Honor pretends to sneeze, but instead of ‘achoo!’ she goes ‘fock you!’ to the prosecution...

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• 3 meses

‘How could the child of a mother who puts the mental into environmental action grow up with a moral compass?’

So Honor is lying on her bed, her nose stuck in her phone, presumably trolling people on social...

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• 3 meses

'She’s hord work, my new padel portner. But the girl fascinates me. She’s like a female me'

Réaltín and I have an intuitive understanding that only great lovers, or an out-half and his...

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• 3 meses

‘Ross, this was my sliding doors moment. And I made the wrong choice’

Sorcha has made an alarming discovery during her annual New Year’s Day clear-out. Hosted on...

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• 3 meses

‘The Leopardstown Races, eh, Ross? A great way to blow off the old cobwebs after Christmas!’

Leopardstown on Stephen Zuzz Day is a tradition for the O’Carroll-Kelly men Hosted on Acast....

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• 4 meses

Honor is like, ‘There’s no chocolate Kimberleys left,’ and that’s when I end up suddenly losing

It’s three days before the big day and Cornelscourt is like the Battle of the Bastards scene from...

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• 4 meses

‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’

Sorcha wants to make our own Christmas tree out of books this year. I think she’s been at the...

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• 4 meses

‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’

We’re off to give my godson Ross Junior his Christmas present, but his old dear will already be...

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• 4 meses

‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer̵

We’re doing the usual volunteering at the annual Christmas fete and this year we’ve been put on...

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• 5 meses